


Glass over Glass

by silpexx



Category: Neon Genesis Evangelion
Genre: Canon Compliant, Cuddling & Snuggling, First Kiss, Flashbacks, Introspection, M/M, Sleeping Together, Spoilers, Suicidal Thoughts, implied because this became kaworu introspection and we all know what he's like sadly, it's between their night out and before the next day, sortaaaa
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-28
Updated: 2019-08-28
Packaged: 2020-09-28 08:24:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,408
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20422904
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/silpexx/pseuds/silpexx
Summary: In the night he sleeps with Shinji, Kaworu shares affection while deep in thoughts about his fate.Next morning, both elements bring him into emotional impact.





	Glass over Glass

**Author's Note:**

> People interested in watching eva look away!! spoilers for ep 24!!  
Ok if you know evangelion, I have to warn this quick fic became Kaworu meditation, so guilt with implied suicidal thoughts are sprinkled at the end. Just warning in case. It's not explicit but it's very between the lines... Or maybe I'm overthinking/reading too much into what I wrote.

No window existed to let the moonlight in. She was already inside, on the cheeks of the Lilin lying next to him. Did he think moonlight was pink? No, but it was just as beautiful. 

And it existed for him, unaware of the guilt hiding behind Kaworu’s radiant smile: He is the Last Angel fated to destroy the world as humans know it. Despite that, he’s here, led by his perception of Shinji’s restrained will and hidden energy. If he could approach with words of sympathy and understanding, maybe his bringing of Doom isn’t all there is to his existence. In other world, he’s a helper.  
  
Yes. That’s what he is as Kaworu, not Adam, the soul within him that gave birth to all Angels. Maybe he was stowed in his body to meet him and realize this about himself.  
  
He turned to thank Shinji, but all that came was:  
  


“ Maybe I was born to meet you ”

  
  
Shinji stopped breathing for a second, then closed his mouth softly. Holding a question back, he extended his hand slowly, a question hiding in every crease and digit of his fingers. They all trembled, so Kaworu got the answer for Shinji: to disrupt his A.T. shield by lacing his fingers around Shinji’s. He still trembled, but squeezed back. Electricity almost short-circuited the Angel’s Lilin heart. Could you die from heartburn? It was too early for that.

  
Yet, he needed to do something about his love. This overwhelming _energy._

  
Kaworu’s love grew with Shinji's gentleness to the point he needed to let it out, or it would drown him under longing he had never been able to express. It was because of his guilt of living, his distance to everything. Shinji does the same even though he’s just a normal person. _Why is he so hard on himself? He persisted and kept piloting even if it was painful._ Kaworu knew all the records and information on the pilots. He knew Shinji overcame his hatred of his father to help the Second and Third child. he was capable of more than he could see. Kaworu burned with the need to uncover his eyes.

  
Kaworu took the wrapped hands to Shinji’s side, pushed himself closer and unlaced his left hand to lay under Shinji’s neck. With a smile, the other boy turned to leave his back exposed, open for Kaworu’s arms to wrap around and adjust himself behind Shinji.  


  
Kaworu exhaled with peace, closing his eyes, but then he felt Shinji shift. He raised his gaze to ardent blue eyes regarding him intensely. Shinji’s eyebrows were mildly raised, lips slightly agape. _His heart is so delicate, like glass._ Oh no, he already said that. What was he supposed to do? Kaworu's eyes expand, feeling his captivated heart bleed through the fists gripping Shinji's shirt. Through his blush, Shinji turns a little more. Blue eyes waver between Kaworu's face and lips. The hand's grip loosens. Of course, thatis what they want! 

  
As the Angel's lips land softly, his heart pulses with questions:  
  


_<< What would you do for that face? >>_  
  
_I can’t get enough of it._

Shinji’s jaw adjusts to kiss him back.

_<< Won’t it die if you persist? >>_  
  
What says I can’t rewrite destiny?

As soon as Kaworu opens his eyes and recovers air, Shinji’s blushing face crumbles Kaworu’s own A.T. field, making his hand takes Shinji’s cheek for another one kiss.

_<< You’re really taking everything before you destroy it >>_

Kaworu’s lips tense, and Shinji opens his eyes with concern. Kaworu’s crinkled eyelids smooths as soon as he feels that look on him. Shinji’s hand trembles as it brushes Kaworu’s hair, lips going to his forehead.

_I’ve had nothing, until now._  


  


┈ ☆ ⁙ ⋅ ⋅ ⋅ ❈ ⋅ ⋅ ⋅ ⁙ ☆ ┈

  
He doesn’t know how he unwrapped his arms from Shinji’s torso to sneak out early in the morning. Such stealth didn’t extend to the Superior Captain getting in his trail, but it didn’t matter at the end of things. Only he could see the plates of SEELEE and the truths they kept between them. They never let him forget his real name.

Not like he wanted to.

As Adam’s soul he had to return to him someday, even if it brought this beautiful earth into another configuration, but isn’t life about constant chaining and reforming? Even now, he felt the ghosts of his children on his back, crushed in their search of a purpose.

It was him, Shinji’s father, who awoke him, all of them into a world that wouldn’t coexist with them. So why was the counsel commanding Kaworu to bring forth doom? That was what his nature wanted, but his heart had scrunched itself on that destiny for years. He couldn’t face the snow, the Sakura petals or the scratch of a cat at his window. One day, today he’ll make them all disappear.

Kaworu smiled at the council and the eyes that spied on him. As he felt Misato’s binoculars move off him, he started his way back to his apartment. The Ccold fog and scrunching of leaves were familiar concepts to the angel. Despite his guilt, he didn’t close off from the world:

The watchers in charge of young Kaworu made him get some air since the Lilin body needed it. Eventually, he started coming out of the room on his own. Two weeks later, he dared to buy alone some buttered bread. He had taken a bite when a bird perched very close to the bench he was sitting on. Kaworu looked at the bird with one eye in mimicry, switching sides. Did the bird prefer his left eye or right eye? The motion dropped the bread bite off his mouth, and the bird dove straight for it. The child screamed at the fast shadow on his face, wheezing as he checked no part of his face was scratched. He gritted his teeth and stood up, feeling anger energy build up in his mouth. He caught sight of the bird and clacked his jaw shut: on a branch, the bird gave the stolen bread to small ones. Kaworu's eyes stung with tears, and he dashed back to his containment room for another two weeks.  
  
Overtime, the lapses of shutting in became shorter and shorter, embracing more of the sights, breaths and sunlight of the world he would rip in two today. Even now he can still take any sight that he wants. Other minds would say it wouldn’t matter once the world was rewritten. _Who knows._ Maybe instrumentality will fall in his hands and he’ll place those beautiful things back where they fit. Maybe he could make things perfect.  
  
In these thoughts, he got to his apartment. Time was nothing but a breeze. When he opened the door, his stomach fell like a rocket. He had forgotten about Shinji. His limbs turned around looking for the missing warmth. There was a symphony to his movements that longed for love even in sleep.  
  
The Angel’s knees impacted with the ground, shoulders heavy without wings. How could he even think of banishing imperfection? With it came delicacy and kindness. That gentle will to make the right impact was the real hope for this world.  
  
In other words, Shinji loved him back. 

Shinji wanted the Angel of death by his side. Oh, but Shinji didn't know! He never asked if Kaworu had any troubles but, he didn't tell him! He didn't want him to be aghast at Kaworu's fears. Kaworu just wanted to manifest and uplift others with love! That was his true self, but, that self would also be destroyed when Shinji makes his choice at Terminal Dogma.  
  
Kaworu grabbed his neck at that thought.  
  
Yes, he was deciding this, both saving and hurting Shinji. Now his hands had to choke back the sobs in his mouth as he cried.  
  
_ Shinji, I pray your love can transform into hate when you find out I'm your enemy. Please, save yourself and the Lilin. You have so many possibilities ahead of you, and I'll-_  
  
He didn't realize he had crawled back near Shinji's side. He was to cower away when Shinji's limbs caught his arms and pulled him down to him. Now Kaworu's face was over Shinji's in perfect view of his sleeping smile. Kaworu’s mouth and eyes went agape, then melted into a smile. Hearing his own heart go crazy, he hummed in contentment. Just with this, he was happy to have lived. 

He could expire peacefully even now. 


End file.
